It is in fact quite curious, that I have not made my tears dropped since the failure of my college entrance exams. Obviously, the failure that time is dramatically beating to me, that I can even not forget the ache in my heart when hearing the score and ranking from the telephone. It was quite a harsh time, that I was deeply, without any exceptions, dropped into the trap of depression. There were only thunder and storm, but not the sunshine and gentle wind in heart.
What is the greatest depression?
For many days I have been asserted of fully experienced on bad days. I didn’t feel much disappointed when I had to give up my hope of applying for the graduate school of Rennin University of China, I also feel okay when I was suffering from the beating of the GRE performance, and thus I would have to, again, drop my hope of studying in US. And even when I heard about the death of my grandma, who brought me up during the whole childhood, I recovered myself in two weeks. However, I don’t know for how many days I would make myself recovered this time.
In my friends’ eyes, I am, without any doubt, an ambitious man, who is willing to devote himself to the ideal world. It is in fact hard to tell, whether the determination is doing its good in my life, even though it is fully encouraged by different levels of educations, ranging from kindergarten to PhD program. Admittedly, determination can teach you quite a lot. With its help, you can learn more, read more and publish more as well as better off. However, over devoting in a specific work, a direct definition of determination, can also ask for your payment. What would you pay for that? It is, under most occasions, love!
Can nature be contradicted?
Young man, if you are considering of rejecting a piece of love, and meanwhile, you are lucky enough reading this post, I would try to persuade you of accepting it. Rejecting such staff can be much more difficult than anything else, especially when it contradicts your psychological indication. I started to think about taking my PhD study overseas from the second year, when participating my first-time international conference and talked to some faculties there, though at that time, I was still quite unaware of what I was willing to do and what I was interested in. I am always quite a man that considers reality as fully prioritized, and never believe in romance. For me, any romance that was built on the assumption that one party is willing to go overseas can be tricky and thus lead to unpleasant consequence. It is this good belief, though I cannot tell whether it is good or not indeed, helped me delayed the love.
But things are always holding the preference of contradiction. Just count how many unexpected issues has you been come across? Tens? Hundreds? Or even more? Though rejection is apparently a preferred answer following my logics that I discussed above, it failed on the determination from the other party. It is the first time that I learned that as an ordinary man, I should never expect controlling too much. Being over confident on your controlling, under some occasions, can cause disaster. If I would be able to make a new choice for all these I have experienced, I would give it up. Taking it can, undoubtedly, bring you good feeling for those honey days. It can, however, make you good depression when reaching its end of life.
Saying goodbye with tears, the topic of this article, indicates the ending of this experience, that used to bring me days with sunshine, is now sounds like thunder and storm. Establish any promise in this period, though seems pleasant, is actually meaningless. For people that you are, or used to love, pray for her honey in future. Staying together or not, comparing to this fundamental assumption, is far less concrete.
So guess the hidden head for this post? Well, you are quite right. It is not a post for you, but for someone else. Any other hidden head? Yeah, you are quite patient and cautious. This paper is written by a man whose native language is not English!